you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
