bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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