Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
