It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize