Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
