I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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