Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
not ubering you a puppy
Damn victory sex feels great
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
