You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
