Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
