i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
