I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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