make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
