Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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