I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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