just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
