i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
