That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
