Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
