you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
