She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
