Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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