Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You need Xanax blowdarts
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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