He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
