I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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