my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
