I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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