I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Someone came in the potted fern
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
