I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
