You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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