I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
