He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
