P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
