yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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