If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
