omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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