it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize