do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
