he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
