Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
