why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
