So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
