I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
