Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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