Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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