please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
