i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
