I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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