Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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