There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Screwed.edu
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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