Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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