ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize