My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize