Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
