Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
