Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
