lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
