we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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