I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
