remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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