You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
