i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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