At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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