Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
